no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
