By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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