he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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