im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
