if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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