I have demons in me.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
