this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
