OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
