Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I want to be your penis for a week.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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