highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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