so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
