your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
