Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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