She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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