..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
