Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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