dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
