i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
