I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
