It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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