Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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