make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
