dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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