I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
