oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
