farters have to be the big spoon...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize