Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
