It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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