there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
