Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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