Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
