i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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