Your face is a jimmy john
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
