you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
