Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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