Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
