READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
