she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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