when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
