We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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