he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
