i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
