I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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