Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
