I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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