I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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