Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
