I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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