Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
