im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
