You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
