This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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