I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Come share oat with me in your robe
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
