When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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