It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
