this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
