just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
