Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
