Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
