You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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