can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
