He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
