it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
