Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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