I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I woke up under a house in Key West
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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