she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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