My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
