Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
