why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
the raccoons are back...
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