so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
