the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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