Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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