He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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