Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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