I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
