I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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