If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
