im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
