Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Randomize
