everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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