I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
