My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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