READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize