u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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