i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
