I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
as a side note pls kill me
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize