wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
