dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
