These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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