At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
