Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
