If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize