the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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