so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
