This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
