if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
