I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
