Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
