I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize