I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
