U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
