i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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