The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
