addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
