Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
