Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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