i used baking grease as lip gloss
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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