she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
