I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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