just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
