I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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