New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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