who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
