Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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