Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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