You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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